“Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.” ― Victoria Holt
I am late in putting out this month’s newsletter. Four days late. Do I wish I could have gotten it out on time? Certainly. Do I regret that I didn’t stay up late(r) last week to write down my thoughts so that I could get it out before midnight on Wednesday? No, because I know that if I had pushed myself I would not have been able to get my thoughts together as well and I would have been even more exhausted waking up Thursday morning. I wouldn’t be where I am right now, standing at the kitchen counter on a beautiful Saturday morning, writing what I hope will be a decent newsletter.
I try not to regret anything in my life, and I think I’m pretty good at not regretting. (I'm also an eternal optimist, so it's easy for me to see the bright side of practically anything.) Luckily, I’ve never made any truly horrific decisions over the course of my forty-nine years. By all accounts, I’ve lived a charmed life. I got good grades in school, I was raised by the most wonderful parents in a loving family and have a brother I adore. I met and married a good man who has loved me for over twenty-five years and gave me three amazing daughters and the best in-laws. I love the people I work with and enjoy my job. And I get to follow my true passion of writing fictional accounts of couples falling in love in my free time. How can I complain about anything?
But that doesn’t mean things are perfect. I’m not perfect. I’ve made the wrong decision countless times in my life. I’ve hurt people’s feelings. I’ve chosen poorly. I’ve been misled. There are a number of things I could have done differently, and who knows what my life would look like today if I had made a different choice? Maybe I would be a world-renowned author with a series on Netflix. Maybe I would live in a mansion by the sea with a private jet to take me to Paris for the weekend.
The point is, it doesn’t matter. I like who I am right here and now, and I wouldn’t be where I am and who I am if I hadn’t made every single choice I made. All those choices led up to this moment. If I don’t regret who I am, then how can I regret anything that brought me here? And if I do want to change something about myself or my life, then how would regret accomplish that? The only way to improve myself is not to lament what could have been, but to take action. If I made the wrong choice to work at my current company, then what good is it to regret it? How will that fix my error? Instead of wasting my time on remorse, I can update my resume, reach out to contacts, and find a better position. And everything I learned at the “wrong choice” company has added to my collective experience and makes me a better candidate now than I was before. I am an improved version of myself because of my mistakes, just as much if not more than because of my good choices.
We all make bad decisions sometimes. The choices we make sometimes don’t work out the way we expected them to. But that’s okay. Every moment leads to now, and everything we’ve learned informs our next move. The only thing we need to do is let go of our regret, be grateful for the experience, and take the next step forward.
- Kathryn Amurra