“Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be.” – Sonia Ricotti
Last month, for the second time in my professional life as an attorney, I resigned from my law firm, having accepted a position with another law firm just down the street. In some ways it was an easy decision—a lot had changed at the firm since I started just over four years ago, and it was pretty clear to me that, for various reasons, my practice was not going to survive, let alone thrive, where I was. In other ways, it was a very difficult decision. Even though my immediate team of paralegals, an associate, and two junior partners were (likely) coming with me, I had met so many good, kind, and competent people at the firm that I loved working with. I knew saying goodbye to them would be the hardest part of the move.
When I submitted my resignation, I asked to be released as soon as possible so that I could start at the new firm, begin calling clients to rebuild my practice, and just move on with my life. Knowing the firm had the right to keep me for up to 30 days, I did everything I could to get bills out and get all my files in good shape so they wouldn’t have an excuse to hold me. I answered all the questions I was asked with as much of a smile as I could muster, hoping they would say I was done and could leave.
It quickly became clear, however, that I would not be released so easily. After all, it was not my decision. It was the decision of the Powers That Be, and until they were satisfied that they had what they needed from me, I would stay exactly where I was, counting off the days.
Logically, it didn’t make sense. They were still paying my salary, yet I was no longer producing revenue for the firm. Many of the clients had already requested to transfer their files to my new firm upon being informed of my departure (thank goodness!), so I couldn’t work on their matters at my old firm anymore, nor could I work on their matters at my new firm because I wasn’t there yet. It was law firm purgatory. And purgatory is not fun.
I was anxious. I was frustrated. I was angry. It didn’t matter what I did—I was at my firm’s mercy, and all I could do was wait. The funny thing is that as soon as I realized I had no control over their decision, that I just had to let go of my plans and allow things happen when they decided it should, I relaxed. I was done. I had released myself.
There is another quote I really like that is often called the Serenity Prayer. Attributed to a Lutheran theologian named Reinhold Niebuhr, it says, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
We don’t always control our own destiny. We can only do so much. As for the rest, it will be what it will be. And just recognizing this and letting go of our angst not only brings serenity but hope that everything will work out just fine in the end.
- Kathryn Amurra