“A daughter needs a dad to be the standard against which she will judge all men.” —Unknown
If we’re lucky, the first man we meet, soon after we take our first breath, is our father. And if we’re luckier still, our father is a constant and positive presence in our lives for many, many years.
Fathers don’t always get the credit they’re due. Sometimes they don’t give themselves enough credit. There have been many times my own father has told me my good qualities came from my mother. He seems to have forgotten all the things he’s taught me, all the advice he’s given me, all the love he has shown me. So, I feel today is a good day to remind him.
One of my first memories of my father was when I was very little, before I was in kindergarten. I had these colorful wooden building blocks, and when I’d built something I was proud of, my mother would tell me to set it up by the stairs so my father would see it when he came home from work. The first thing my father did when he walked up the stairs and saw my creation was to tell me what a great job I’d done. He made me feel proud of my hard work, proud of myself.
We went on vacations to the beach every summer growing up. One summer—I might have been twelve or thirteen years old—I remember my hair was a tangled mess after spending the day in the pool and on the beach. I tried to comb it out, but it wasn’t working, and I was so angry and frustrated. My father took the comb from my hand and began working on my hair, ever so gently. Little by little, he worked through each section until it was all smooth and tangle free. I learned that day that you can fix any problem if you stay calm and work through it, calmly and with persistence.
I didn’t talk to my father often about boys or my various crushes, and I don’t remember exactly how this one conversation had started, but I do remember my father’s advice on the subject of love and marriage. He told me I would know who I should marry because my heart and my mind would agree. I listened to his advice, and it seems to have proven out.
When I was deciding on college, I was conflicted because I had acceptances from an expensive Ivy League university with no scholarships and from an engineering technical college that was offering practically a full ride. My parents were middle class, and I hated the thought of making them pay so much for college. When I told my father I didn’t know which school to go to, he asked me which I would pick if they were the same price. I told him the Ivy League university (I didn’t even have to think about it). And that’s where I ended up going, despite the huge price tag, and it was an experience that shaped the rest of my life.
I learned a lot from my father. I learned that a husband and a wife should be partners in a marriage, because that’s how he and my mother treated each other. I learned that children should always honor and care for their parents, because I saw him call my grandmother every weekend and watched him leave money for her every time we went to visit. I learned that family vacations were important for bringing our family closer together, despite, or perhaps because of, the long car rides to get there. I learned what safety and security were, because those are the things I felt when I was with him.
Now, I see these lessons reflected in how my husband treats me and our girls. And I recognize the value in the lessons my husband was taught by his father and stepfather.
Happy Father’s Day to my father, my husband, my father-in-law, my brother, and all the fathers out there in the world and those who will always live on in our memories. Thank you for all the lessons you’ve taught us, big and small, that have showed us how to be a good person and live a full life. You weren’t perfect—you didn’t have to be, because despite your mistakes and your human flaws, you loved us completely and unconditionally. And in the end, knowing we are capable of loving and being loved this way is the most important lesson you could have provided.
Happy Father’s Day!
- Kathryn Amurra